Something Like a Stream of Consciousness

I'm not really feeling sleepy ... so now I'm trolling the 'net. Do people actually call it the "net" anymore? I'm sure my lingo is outdated. Language is kind of fascinating, when you think about it. It's living, changing- reflecting a lot of the little details of our lives, as well as the big ones. When anything major changes we introduce new words, coin a new phrase that best suits our unique situation. Some of the best slang I have found is kind of old fashioned ... it's a shame slang isn't like fashion- as in clothing. Clothing seems to cycle every decade or so. Slang- not so much. Sam and I had wanted to make an old-timey word a day calendar, with old-west verbage, or phrases from the Roaring Twenties ... one day perhaps! Maybe it will be your birthday/winter holiday gift.

Earth Hour was a rather pleasant candle lit hour that stretched into a candle lit evening. I had the place to myself and spent a fair amount of time recording deep thoughts in my paper journal and just thinking things through. What things? Just life things. Life seems to be going by so quickly. I thought I'd had my "quarter life crisis", but sometimes that little demon of doubt raises his ugly head when I least expect it. In times of stress - thinking "Am I doing the right thing?", "Will I actually be able to finish school?", "By the time I finish school will I still love the subject enough to devote a career towards it?" ... I think about the things I thought about doing instead, and what paths I would have trundled down had I pursued other forms of academia. I'm happy. I'm just stressed out; and when it comes right down to it- I know I'll love it. I already love it. I think in circles and patterns now, not just one straight line.

I felt a little guilty this weekend- on Friday night Sam and I were downtown enjoying the LA Philharmonic (and cello soloist Johannes Moser- wow, he was amazing!!); on the way home, on the Metro, there was an old woman. She seemed able enough, if slightly confused about which stop would transfer her to the Blue Line, and beyond to Long Beach. Not a nice ride late at night, but what can you do? Anyway, she missed the transfer stop, got confused, I tried to give her directions but I'm not sure she understood. I felt guilty because I'd first noticed her in the station, and I had overheard bits of her conversation with other patrons- but I didn't take the time to make sure she understood. When she finally realized she'd missed her stop (which wasn't really a big deal, she just had to backtrack a few stops), she seemed so confused and a little scared, and she didn't seem to understand what another passenger and I were trying to tell her. I felt so guilty and a little worried as she hurried off the train, a look of sheer bewilderment on her face- because I know what it's like to be lost, or at least disoriented just from lack of knowledge of your surroundings. I hope she got home okay. It makes me think about the "Golden Rule"; you know- treat others as you would like to be treated. Having compassion. Going out of your way when it's really no trouble. I didn't, not this time. 

It's strange- I've been feeling kind of blocked every time I sit down to write, and now it's all just pouring out ... but my eyes are starting to hurt, and now I'm feeling sleepy, and I need to get some sleep so I can enjoy Disneyland tomorrow with Tiffany for her birthday. Goodnight, Internet.